Welcome to my page. I would like to use this to tell you about my life and what I am going through in hopes to oneday help someone else. About 4 years ago my (now ex girlfriend) cheated on me for two years. I somewhat thought she was but couldnt prove it so let it go till I could prove it. I had a son and didn’t wanna split the family up without knowing for sure. After two years we moved in to our house we were remodeling. After we moved in I was messing with her tablet when it synced with her phone.. I was then looking at muiltiple photos and screen shots of texts from the guy she was cheating on me with. Later on I was also able to look at her phone in which I obviously found more and had came up with the two year timeline. Now I could see they hadn’t talked in a while because she was mad. However it hurt because it had went on so long and she literally was about to up and leave me and take my son away from me.
Anyways I questioned her about it. We fought and fought for months. After a while it got better but we still fought and I could never trust her. After a year went by I got tired of fighting and tired of not trusting. I started here and there talking to friends and Co workers about me moving out. I didn’t have a dad growing up so it really hurt the thought of not being there daily for my son. Oneday I had the opportunity to talk with a co worker who we were pretty close when we were together but didn’t see each other often.. Anyways we talked for a while then we left. We then texted back and fourth about it and became closer friends.. After about a week of that I chose to leave. Within 2 weeks I had packed and left. My son cried and screamed when id drop him off. He’d kick and punch. I cried daily. It was the hardest thing I had to do.
After about 2 or so weeks I started seeing this girl i had been talking to going to her house and going for walks at the park. That went on for awhile and we grew closer. During this time I also decided to ask her out which was the best thing ever. Eventually I moved in and things were great. However the biggest mistake I made was I was still hurting from being cheated on. I tend to hold everything in and didnt realize I was constantly worried if my new girlfriend was cheating on me or not. Deep down I knew she wouldn’t but the thought wouldn’t go away. Over the next year things were great but slowly declined. All because of my trust and dwelling over the past. We fought and fought because of this. Then I lost my job, covid hit and I was stuck at home. Boom I came crashing down and was an emotional wreck.
I had no clue what was going on. I found myself balled up crying all the time. Freaking out on my girlfriend for the dumbest things. I started to feel suicidal. I reach out to my mom and asked for help. I then started seeing a counselor and a doctor. It was helping at least I thought but the truth is I wasn’t being as honest with them or myself which made it worse. About a month later I felt down and well needless to say I ended up in a mental ward for 5 days. Completely locked down with nothing to do and couldn’t leave. When I got out my girlfriend wanted me to focus on me. And her kids didn’t wanna be around me like this. So I was forced to pack and leave back to my grandparents. This hurt. I didnt know what to do and felt like my girlfriend should be there for me. I did terrible we fought weekly. I did start to have some better days but still struggled. Mostly again with trust.
I then made a huge mistake and my girlfriend broke up with me. I freaked wanted to hurt myself and left. Put myself in a bad spot. This was now 3 days ago.. sorry for all the info but I had to get you somewhat up to speed. I am now not talking to the person I loved to most and hoping she doesn’t hate me… I am not sleeping and barely eating. I just want my life back and my beautiful girlfriend back. Its a struggle and im not sure if she’ll ever be back with me. However if I don’t get better I will lose that chance. So today 7-22-2020 I am going to put my full effort towards it and see if I can change. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My medication isn’t working and I havnt seen the phsyciatrist yet. Wish me luck in my journey and in the end I hope it all works out. I hope whoever reads this can oneday help someone else with their journey and save a lot of mistakes and heart ache. I will try and post daily thank you!
Mental Health 